Whatsoever resemblance to any living or whosoever dead is INTENSE-NULL

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Ek anokhi daastaan

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APPEAL: This is my maiden attempt in Hinglish. Go through it carefully and yes, your valuable feedback will be highly appreciated.    
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Ravi us din mayus tha. Uska apni girlfriend se break up huye poora ek saal ho gaya tha. Kaam mei uska mann bilkul bhi nahi lag raha tha aur purane dino ki yaadein use aur bhi sata rahi thi. Isliye wo usi beach pe chala gaya jahan uski mulaqat Neha se pehli baar hui thi.


Shaam hone ko aayi thi. Samudra ki lehron ka anand lootne dher saare tourists aaye the. Aasmaan mei halki laalima chhayee hui thi. Hawaon mei jhumte huye taar ke ped, maano ek doosre ko apni khushi ka izhaar kar rahe the. Charo or harsh aur ullas ka mahaul tha. Ye dekh Ravi ka mann bhi thoda halka ho raha tha aur tabhi dur baithi ek ladki se uski aankhein chaar hui. Uske hothhon pe muskurat dekh Ravi bhi reh naa paya aur uski or kheecha chala gaya.

Mrignayan, kaano mei jhumke aur lambe baalon mei us ladki ki khubsurati dekhte hi ban rahi thi. Ravi ki khushi ka thhikaana nahi tha. Use dekh uski saari thakaan dur ho gayi aur use laga jaise ki uska akelapan shayad fir se dur ho jayega.

Us ladki ne Ravi ko paas baithne ka isaara kiya.

"Hi, I am Ravi. Ravi Singh.....bole to King. Waise, ek baat kahu…..you are very beautiful. Aur tumhari ye jo aankhein hain, unme doob jaane ko jee chahta hai. Waise, tum yehi ki rehne waali ho kya? Mera ghar Dhanbad padta hai. Suna to hoga tumne. By the way, let me tell you ki ek saal pehle aaj hi ke din mera apni girlfriend se break up hua tha. I hope you don’t mind. "

Us ladki ki naa (sar hilakar) mei Ravi ki haan thi. Ye dekh Ravi aur bhi prasann ho uthha. "Maine NIT Jamshedpur se Mechanical Engineering ki hai aur abhi mai Telcon mei kaam karta hoon. 2 mahino ki yaha training hai isliye aaya hoon. Waise, tum kuchh bol kyu nahi rahi. Kuchh to bolo? Tumhari koyal jaisi aawaaz sunne ke liye mai tab se betaab hoon. "


Ladki sharmaayi, palke jhuka kar thoda muskurayee aur gili ret pe likha, "Muh mei gutkha hai. "

Friday, November 26, 2010

Election 2010 and bloody DEMOCRACY

I knew this day would come.
OMG, what have I done?
Shit! Shit! Shit!
I shouldn’t have dramatized every Holi.
Public swept us like municipal does the garbage.
Where can I hide? Should I hide?
I should have boosted the agriculture sector.
IT companies will revolutionize the state. Eh…..more education, less vote.
Development is going to be upsetting.
Should I retire or fight back?
Not retire, I better be a responsible opposition.
I must help him govern the state in an effective manner.
I must volunteer to bring about the change that everyone has longed for.
I am definitely going to mend my ways, for the people.
I will set an example of improvement. (-) infinity to (+) infinity.
Bloody democracy, it’s killing me!!!


Such a series of thoughts that germinate only when hit badly is really trend-setting. Kudos to the voters of Bihar. Readers, pour in your views.     

Thursday, November 18, 2010

romantically PICked, beautifully PAINted

I am honoured to bring to you one of the finest works I have ever seen. And because I cannot justify even with the best of my vocabulary the talent that is involved, I request you to try your best. Here, take a look:


Courtesy: Nitish Ambastha

Certainly, you are dumb struck. If you are not, you are in so deep trouble. Consult a psychologist ASAP.

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Vijaya Heritage Saga

October 4, 2010
1550 hours

After 8 hours of loitering in the canteen, Mr. Pritesh asked us to bag-pack to set sail for our new abode. Us here includes me and 4 fellow trainees from Construction BU. By the way, the canteen saga is even better but I prefer not to discuss that for now. So, an auto-rickshaw was hired and three of us hopped in. Pritesh was all blah-blah about the guest house - picturesque surroundings, hygienic and amenities-laden living etcetra etcetera.

Vijaya Heritage, situated on the bank of river Kharkai, is this beautiful society except for its aloofness from the bustling city of Jamshedpur. The odds of hearing to the tinkling of bicycle is scanty low, let alone the honking of horn. The residents might know who their neighbours are but the pin-drop-silent evenings tell us all that shaped up since it was inhabited.

Anyway, we drove in Phase 5 of this much-talked-about society. I was asked by a senior to follow him upstairs to, what every referred to as, the dungeon. Dungeon because I was told that the oldest creature in there was one hell of a pain in the ass to live with. He bluntly said, "From your morning raga until post dinner slumber, you will be monitored by that skeleton-limply personality. You must also not voice out loud in front of any employee even if you dislike the system. His networking is better than that of IB. So, beware!"

And there I was. I was shown my coop so I let my hair down. About five minutes later, an instruction to fall back was sent. I felt relieved, and I quickly moved out. The other 2, Piyush and Abhishek, were then asked to fill-in, and I was allotted Phase 6 guest house. But it wasn’t that easy and the loitering kicked off again in another guest house, due to unavailability of the key to the alloted one.

At about 8 in the evening, my roomie returned from work. We dined and then headed towards the flat. An hour later, Piyush called up describing how he was treated for not having returned until 10. Now quoting the exact lines, I must say, is stupendous but here is a sample that will trigger food for thought:

Aaaye Piyush…..tum eedhor aaya to mere ko bina botaye kidhor chola gaya. Sob bola ki tumhara koi khobor noi ki kob aayega. Ye sob noi cholega eedhor. Somjha tum. Jaao, ab so jaao. Dos bojte sone se to uthhega site jaane ke liye.

Huhhh.…just imagine!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Self-retrospect…..you still have time

Recently launched Priority Inbox in Gmail is a revelation. I was excited when I heard about it, and even more excited when I reset the home page. Everything seemed alright. Emails from friends, Facebook add requests/follow-up comments, Orkut scraps and many others were automatically filtered.

While I was at it, few emails from job portals hurled in. I had registered on them when I was desperately looking for a writer job. Nevertheless, past is past and CHANGE is the essence of life so I removed their priority tag. All done.....I was happy that now I can customize effectively.

Then, another email came in rushing. As soon as I clicked on it, a message popped up - Is it a priority email? If not, click here. Obviously, I had to cancel it because a female fan had commented on my blog. After I successfully published the comment, an email from Sonam showed up. The same pop-up reappeared. Again I cancelled it. How could I have missed such a lovely message? I wrote that I missed her a lot and that I will see her soon. The next 5 minutes I was lost into our past - the lovely times spent together and some stupid fights. Mixed feeling but felt good.

As the flashback ended, another email popped up. I was surprised to see the filthiness of the language used so I scrolled up to see the sender. It read vishwakarma@heaven.org

Here goes the message:

Kamine, engineer ke naam pe kalank hai tu. I feel ashamed that you are one of us. Abhi tak ladkiyon ke peechhe bhaag raha hai. Job ke liye maine recommend kiya tha tujhe kyoki mujhe laga ki you are better a writer than an engineer. Na ghar ka raha tu, na ghat ka. Sonam toh bahut badi journalist ho gayi hai. Delhi mei usne apna ek flat bhi le liya hai. Tune kya kiya ab tak? Abhi ek mauka aur dunga, sudhar jaa warna.....

Khair chhor.....Vishu here. Buckle up. Bye.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Kis kis ki kismat

Disclaimer (for family and relatives only): Nothing that you are about to read reflects my state of mind. It is an attempt for a blogging contest that I want to participate in. Better, don't proceed.....oops :p     

Rest of the world.....so listen to what itched my brain last night. As expected, I self-talked for long as to what new technology I should come up with. Needless to say, every idea that crossed my mind somehow ended up in obvious extreme misuse by, of course, us. Homo sapiens are born f***ed-up creature, we tend to mess up everything around us. But of all the ideas, one that may benefit many is an FM. It is not the one you stuff in your ears and forget what the lecturer blabbers. It is rather a FANTASY METER, tailored for those Lukhkha Pandeys like me who are single and always ready to mingle ;). Sounds goofy? Eh.....let me explain.  

Suppose you are on your regular hunting stroll down the regular filled-with-love-birds lane of your regular maddening college. Maddening because you think you deserved better. Hunting because you are a f***ing loser when it comes to proposing a girl. Err, slip of tongue.  

Anyway, this fantasy meter tied to your wrist will have a compass and a digital display. Compass will point to the girl staring at you at that instant and the display will read out what her intentions (ahem, ahem) really are. Ahan.....seems you just jumped on your feet. Relax! Now, the complexity comes into picture if the girl you stared at has this FM. Things can be unpredictable.

It is also likely that you will be angrily ogled or slapped by many - then and there, or maybe you escape the beating because your FM will also alarm you to run asap. So, it is equally likely that the Lukhkhi Pandey who is as single and ready to mingle as you never crosses your path. On the contrary if she does cross, her FM will let her know that a premi-aashique-aawaara, paagal-majnu-diwaana is passionately staring at her. Bingo! Lukhkha Pandey no more.

~~ Happys Endings ~~

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Serendipity

Patna
December 17, 2009
09:00 pm

Rajdhani Express was green-signaled. Sanjeet rushed into the railway station with a suitcase in his left hand and a bottle of water in the other. Unusual traffic blockage often led to such improbable and exasperating situations.  

Sanjeet was a Computer Engineer from N.I.T. Jamshedpur. His family business Tathastu, one of the leading software consultants of the eastern region held over 5000 employees but he was a greenhorn yet. So before he could take on his father, it was required that he be exposed to various managerial skills, emerge well poised to handle the multitude of his company’s workforce.   

Although he was gasping, he ran towards the train in his full capacity and boarded before it got too late. The next day he was supposed to attend a seminar in MDI Gurgaon on the rudiments of Business Management. So missing it was not an option for him.

The train had picked herself by then. Sanjeet let his hair down on the attendant’s seat to pacify his pulse; kept the suitcase on the floor, uncapped the water bottle and quenched his overdue thirst. After a sigh of relief, he took out the ticket from his pocket and looked for the coach number.

“How may I help you, sir?” The attendant stopped by him.

“Which way can I get to AS8?”

“It is AS4, sir. Yours is this way through.” The attendant pointed towards the entrance.

Crap! Yet another long tread.

Sanjeet looked cheesed off. He picked up his suitcase and entered the compartment. His eyes rummaged around for beautiful faces that he was fond of. He barely found any. So, he quickened his steps.

Sanjeet was an aesthete since his teenage. His wall was collaged with the cuttings of glamorous photographs hunted from magazines. He was an ardent fan of Drew Barrymore so the walls were largely occupied by her posters. Her cutest smile was radiant from each corner of his den. Amitabh Bachchan was his role model when it came to acting so he loved imitating him.

Apart from movies, he fancied painting, skating, reading novels and chatting. His writing skills were par excellence so most of his friends had their love letters done from him and so with the passage of time, he turned out to be a big flirt. Even look-wise he was well turned-out; his clothing had an urbane touch.

Sanjeet traversed through the bogies in little less than 10 minutes but the train was singularly empty. In fact, his own compartment held only one other traveler - a lady in her early twenties dressed up a la mode in a lavishly embroidered pink salwar suit, seated on the berth opposite his. A thick cluster of black curls eclipsed each ear. She was spectacled and was busy biting her nails over a novel, her head into it and thus, her face hardly noticeable.

No wasting time. Sanjeet smiled at the thought. He kept the suitcase beneath his berth and rammed it further to seek her attention. But she remained unmoved, only that she stopped biting her nails. It was appalling so he interrupted.

“Interesting novel it seems. Who is the….”

“Dan Brown. The Da Vinci Code.” She was prompt, and very well estimated his desperation. Sanjeet was able to read her ignorance in those black and white pages which she preferred over knowing a stranger.

“Ohh…Brown.” He spoke as if he personally knew the author. “He is a genius. I have read most of his masterpieces. You read Deception Point? It was such a big hit. And Digital Fortress. Wow! It enthralls me. It was a multi-million-copy bestseller.” His elation upon reminiscing the plot was quite evident from the smile edging on his face. But something else was on his mind so he changed the topic straight away.

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

He wanted to draw her into some chinwag. But, was she getting annoyed?

She also understood his apprehension so she finally looked up. She adjusted her beamless spectacles from mid of her nose, tucked her hair caressing it from the hairline to the ear posterior and spoke to him.

“Yeah. You’re right. But…” She lulled at once. At either end, there was silence.

The trees through the sun-tanned glass were running past them madly. Sanjeet couldn’t bat an eyelid at the sight. Her deep sea-like bluish eyes were dive-impelling. Her ears pierced with a pair of scintillating diamond-studded earrings waited a bite and her cheeks blushed by the slaps of the cool breeze urged a kiss. The necklace that adorned her beautiful neck sparkled in brilliance. Her cranberry lips bruised each other and her speckless flickering skin crossed all barriers of speculation. She looked like one of those fairies of the fables that the kids usually hear from their grandparents before going to bed. In short, her beauty could not be verbalized at once.

Sanjeet was speechless, his jaws denying falling back. On the other hand, she looked dumbfounded but a smile edged on her face gradually. “Hey Sunny. I don’t believe this.” She kept aside the novel and offered him to sit. But he stood absent-minded and motionless. He just couldn’t help staring at her. 

“Are you here, Sunny?” She spoke avid, even waved. But it didn’t work, so she wobbled him. “Where are you lost, young lad?”

“Yeah. Ahh…..nothing.” He was confused and spoke hum and haw. “I mean I am here. In fact, I must be here. I am not lost.”

“Then sit down.” She was no more annoyed, her face beaming with joy. “Don’t you remember me?”

Sanjeet sat down and clearing his throat, spoke in an innocent tone. “No, it isn’t the matter. Actually…”

“Actually what?”

“Nothing really. But did I tell you my name?” He grazed through his head stirring up the memory. “I think I didn’t.”

“Then I assume you do not remember me. How dare you?” Tanya was outright. Her demanding tone surprised Sanjeet and it surfaced with his expression.

“Anyway, try and remember if we met before.”  

“Met before? Really?” He itch his head groping for some misplaced memory file. “Maybe we met some place but I can’t recall. By the way, what’s all this?” He tried to pull her away from the topic. “I mean, look at you. Who does all this make-up in a train journey?”

“This should not be a problem. All are imitations, say.”

“Well and good then. But anyway we can be robbed off. All thanks to you, you have set the probability high.” He winked at her, pointing towards the necklace. “So, tell me. Have you been to Jamshedpur?”    

“What? No but why do you ask?

“I mean, have you been there recently?” His gestures were flirty. He further probed into. “May be during Utkarsh. Cultural fest. N.I.T. Jamshedpur? Does any of it ring a bell?

“No dear. As far as I remember I have never ever attended any such fest. Not even in my college.”

Unintentionally though, his mind was puzzled. The different shapes of information did not help him to solve the jigsaw. “One minute. I can tell you.” Sanjeet broke into. His tone was gratifying. He paused for a while and soon after, crafted an astute gesture. “I have seen you in my dreams.” There he was where others usually failed – flirting.

“Stop your nonsense, Sunny. We met on yahoo chat. Now you remember, Mr. sunny_dude? We even exchanged pics. And now, don’t you say you don’t chat?” Her demanding tone grew with each piece of information coming up. “I never knew you were such a heedless person.”


“Yeah, I remember. I am so sorry. I was trying to make sure if you…” Sanjeet paused, finding it difficult to trick her into an excuse. He looked up in desperation. “Actually, I am so glad to be in the memories of a sweet, melodious and spurious lady like you. I never knew yahoo rooms had visitors like you, Akshita?”

“Akshita? Is that what you remember? And we also discussed to meet someday. Ahhh…” Tanya was losing her solace, her stupendous expressions indicating her prick.

Sanjeet estimated the heat of the moment. It was like being thrown at once, out of the frying-pan into the fire. He plunged into his chat history, and somehow recollected who she was. Then he cooked up a fine tale, turned away from her and thumped his dramatizing hammer again. “I was just checking your patience and optimism. Now I see that you are short-sighted. In fact, dull-witted.” He shrugged his shoulders, cleverly posing his fake innocence. “Akshita is a friend from my neighbourhood and you…..” He paused at once.  

“Is that what you think about me?” Discontent lay bare on her face. “So, Akshita is your neighbor and just good friends. Right?

“Just good friends. I think I already told you about her. Don’t you remember?”

He was pushing too hard so he feared that his creativity may queer over his pitch. So he made up with it at once. “Listen, I didn’t mean what I said. But then…..” He paused again. For a moment he sat motionless and then he turned towards her. “Okay, I am sorry for being indifferent and also for lying.”


“Do not be a humble pie now. Is that what you are trying to be?” She spoke in a disagreeing tone.

“It isn’t like that Tanya, unless you do not want to believe me at all.” He did artifice all fair and square in one go.

“Then why were you trying to fool me? You looked obfuscated. And you are at once being so stately. Anyone can get confused in such a situation. It is you who must take the sole responsibility for framing the conundrum of unknowing the known.” Her words fell short of any leniency but were rightly put, given the situation.   

“Fine. You have the liberty in your life. But, do not chafe off me.” He spoke angrily but he knew he was being stupid. After a minute spent in dead silence, he turned temperate and with the very promptness of his brain spoke to her in a soft, decorous tone. “Forgive me.”

He held her hand and caressed it. Gradually her anger vanished, for his modest expressions and alertness impressed her. She smiled coyly and jerked his arm in desperation. “So, friends again?  Drawing nearer, a little of the color tiptoeing back to her face, Tanya looked at him with a certain amount of interest and curiosity. Sanjeet shook his head in yes.

At the same time, few waves crossed his mind demanding an explanation. He always had believed that falling into some serious love was a poisoned chalice. But now he was changing, gaining his amour-propre, his eyes closed in some serious thought. He was turning courteous and considerate, and his ways of perceiving relationships were now refined and exacted. 

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Lukhkha Pandey katl-e-aam

Brought to you in association with Foogle and MeowTube….the DOCUMENTary waala

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Hi Lukhkha, how

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are you today? Let me tell you that this video certainly will prove to be a turning point in your life. Do not be surprised if I tell you

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that I came across your blog 'A request one dare not forward' where you not only insulted my intellect but also eyed me in a sullied manner.

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I may not be well connected like you but your appraisal for the financial year 2010-11 will be on my desk again and this time, not only the horrible-looking Rashmi but every tom-dick-harry will be promoted minus, ofcourse, you. But don’t worry, I have thought of an alternative for you. I hope you won’t mind typing your resignation letter. Not

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now, not now…..patience boy…..I want to see you at my desk…..the very first hour in the office tomorrow. Then you are supposed to voluntarily type your resignation. And yes, be punctual…..you know how much I hate latecomers. 

Yours never,
HatcheR Manager
(waves in action) Chaata    

Monday, August 16, 2010

Gotcha!!!

[The picture that follows was sent to me by a friend for my opinion.....and after I sent him what I felt, I thought what the hell.....why not post it here for your opinion. Now, go on!!!]


Today I have a chance. Bloody, I have scanned every bathroom in XL since I was re-launched in a new avatar. I don’t know how this shabby guy managed to stay unnoticed. Never mind. Now, I am gonna prove to these numb people what it takes to shipshape a customer like him. Hell yeah! I shall emerge triumphant. Amen.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A request one dare not forward

Disclaimer: The following letter is entirely fictitious. Any resemblance to a disgusting thought or an offensive sentence is merely-highly-purely unintentional.

To
The HatcheR Manager
Chaata Insulting Pioneers Unlimited
Chaatanagar, India

Subject: Just like that

Madam,

I know it is difficult to hatch, oops…..find female engineers and on top of it, suitable for the role of a consultant in a company like ours. For instance, look at yourself. Did you ever think you could compete in an engineering entrance? If yes, kindly erase that tiniest bit of confusion. I do not deny that a management (better say, donation) quota seat would have been an easy alternative.

You are beautiful and I know how much every-day-every-moment make-up means to you. No offence but you did the right thing. Your job wants you anytime in the office which is quite a relief for many. This office would have been a big ZERO without you. Not that you are the only lady here (although we are far behind the software companies in terms of quantity, let alone quality) but it is you we come across on and off every morning. Kadam kadam pe saath diya hai aapne. Our career aka salary growth depends entirely on you, forwarding our appraisal to the concerned authority. I also know that you have not done any indigestible injustice to me so far, expect you promoting the horrible-looking Rashmi a year ahead of me which did hurt.

Well, I must not beat around the bush and better get to the point. My tender heart starts to beat harder when each year you and your team go out on a recruitment drive. I wish I were there to accompany you. You must have heard this saying Ek panth do kaaj. What I want to say is that whatever resources available we should look at it positively and even explore beyond, for example science graduates. I am of the view that knowledge must be shared and this way the dreams of those who missed the tension-free engineering life and subsequently, the dream of turning into an engineer will easily be realized.

What do you think? Reply asap.

Yours forever,
Lukhkha Pandey
Senior Engineer without Assistant
Destruction BU   
+91 – I know you have my new number
Email: ghayal.aashique@frustugang.com

Friday, June 25, 2010

Pledge, Plunge, Plan

I and the JAAG incubator came across a cribber/turd about a week ago on Shobhaa’s blog. Shobhaa, you got it right - the uncalled-for sex educator of the Indian society who thinks teenagers feed on her novels to know about the doctrines of Kamasutra. Foolishly crap!

So, this cribber/turd, who is a she, is one of the lamest citizen a country can't afford to have. She is also the best example of being a shitload-cum-tragedy to a family. Anyway, I am certain you aren’t like her. On the contrary if you are, you might consider resigning from this page now…..like NOW.

Coming to the point, today’s youths have a lot on their mind…..education, love and job - ONE and ONLY reason. It appears they are THREE reasons but in the actual sense of living in this era, they are so intertwined that one can only imagine to untie them to be counted as discrete needs in life. But it never ends just there. What is even more interesting is the acquiescence and consequently an initiative by WE types in opening up a morcha against the grubby/dodgy/rickety amphitheater of politics. Umpteen numbers of blogs, including mine, have come up to speak for mass awakening drives. Someone might say why not you get into the political shoes. Seriously, I can’t. First of all, I am no Machiavelli nor I have any blind-fan following like LPY. Secondly, “Always act wise - Impulsive decisions can be fatal” was taught to me by my guru. Third, why don’t you consider that for yourself? Why pinning down on me? The torch-bearer might not always lead the way. Some light up your way walking behind.

Arrrggghhh, distraction is such a curse. Where was I?

Yes, the youth today says “Aaj se khilaana band, pilaana shuru”. Bingo! Conscientiousness actually is vital to the beginning of a new era but it isn’t a trait that can be instilled the easy way in each being. It has to come gradually, as a result of moral education or genetically…..and never ever it is possible by means of thrashing or humiliating, as it only aggravates a rebellious side subsided within. So you need to pledge, then plunge and accordingly plan if you want to be the CHANGE you want to see in the society. JAAGoooo re!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Confidential Letter that was mistakenly revealed

March 15, 1950

Dear Shiva,

What’s up, buddy!!! I hope that you and your family are in sound health.     

By now, Naaradmuni must have told you about the twin city bombing. Remember the evil element that we hid at numerous places under the soil? These humans unearthed and used them to terrorize the innocent people and then, conquered that country. Heartrending, isn’t it?

Hey, in my previous letter I told you about the rapid deforestation in North America and Europe. You won’t believe, India too has joined the league. They will soon be drafting a five year plan, now that they set up a Planning Commission today in the morning session of their Parliament. Actually, I don’t blame them because anyway the sufferings shall ensue collectively. They also have the right to comfort after all the sufferings they had under the British Raj. Some day they will realize but then it might be too late. We don’t need to go into much detail. Let them dig their own grave. Our role is better limited to mechanizing the process. Speaking of which, I actually wrote this letter asking you for a favor, and I know you won’t disappoint me. I want you to come back to Earth and chalk out a plan for complete destruction. After all, you are an expert in this field. Just that make it look like we aren't responsible for it.

If you want it faster, you can contact Vishwakarma. Only he can instill in these people the expertise to build more advanced tools of comfort-cum-destruction. Another better idea can be uncapping the global warming. Like numerous machines releasing emissions that can gradually deplete the ozone layer. Oh, I still remember those times when we engineered that layer once Sun agreed to live with us in our system (even though we had to name the entire system after him). What an accomplishment that was! We asked him to lighten up the place and provide us warmth in winters but never did we expect to put him to this alternate use. But I am sure he would love to.

Okay, this is it. No further I am willing to waste any precious ink on these morons. BTW, do you know about the space programs these people are working on? The day is not far when they probe-find your abode because they have somehow realized the connection between Earth and Moon. Hehehe, I am not boasting but I must say I created the most intelligent species so far. Okay, now I am signing off. Do write back about your arrival so I can plan the trip to Mars for my new project. 

Your friend forever,
Brahma

Monday, June 14, 2010

Quizzing the blog way.....not only funny!!!

I assume many of you know about an interesting series – Lapataganj on Sab TV. After all, asli maza sab ke saath aata hai. Don’t get me wrong….I have not been paid to advertise.


Anyway, there is a character that happens to relate every tom-dick-harry activity to his pitaaji (father). So, if someone brings up football in the discussion, he will say Football toh pitaaji khela karte the. Hmmm….wonder what happens to few great personalities when their children blabber the same way. So, here is a list of such one liner, the names omitted to let your hippocampus churn out the possibilities for a sugary tickle under your belly:
  • Ghotala toh pitaaji kiya karte the
  • Chaara toh pitaaji khaya karte the
  • Tweet toh pitaaji kiya karte the
  • Party toh pitaaji badla karte the
  • Daaru pee kar footpath pe gaari toh pitaaji chadhaya karte the
  • Sush ke saath saath aish toh pitaaji kiya karte the
  • (in American accent) Methyl isocyanate toh pitaaji leak kiya karte the
  • India shining ki hawa toh pitaaji chhora karte the
  • Classy hone pe bhi Aag jaisi movie toh pitaaji banaya karte the
  • Dharm ke naam pe sex scandal toh pitaaji kiya karte the
  • Lewinski ka shikaar toh pitaaji kiya karte the
  • Budhaape mei bhi saare movie contract toh pitaaji le jaya karte the
  • Bina peeye Madhusala toh pitaaji likha karte the
  • Party chief hone aur apne constituency mei railway zone banane ke baawzood election toh pitaaji haara karte the
  • Regionalism toh pitaaji kiya karte the (applies to don’t-know-how-many generations)
  • Swiss bank mei kaala dhan toh pitaaji jama kiya karte the (long list of baagar-billas)
  • WTC toh pitaaji uraya karte the
  • Sansad Bhawan/Taj attack toh pitaaji plan kiya karte the
  • Ghatiya, rone-dhone, ghar ko todne waale serial toh pitaaji….oops maataji banaya karti thi
  • Apni aur joridaar Haathi ki statues toh maataji banwaya karti thi                
  • Jantaa ke paison ki maala toh maataji pehna karti thi
  • TV, saaree, purse aur hazaaro jootiyaan toh maataji ghapla karti thi
  • Godmother/kingpin toh maataji hua karti thi
Ughhhh….guys, spare me. I am now sick of these lines. Punch in your thoughts and suggest any funnier character that crosses your mind.

Happy blogging!

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